The Flakiness of my Christianity

My personal "walk" with God was filled with a lot of thinking, dreaming, studying, and "experiences" in worship, but not much else.
Would have daily (or not so daily) "quiet times" in the morning; read Bible/devotional, pray, try to set myself up for a good, "godly" day
Was exhorted by church towards all kinds of "spiritual" goals (ie to "grow in God" or to become more "at home in His Presence" or to become more "prophetic")
Took these goals seriously; tried to work towards them, but all of this "progress" was in the intangible realm, unmeasurable, and unrecognizable in the real world
All of it was, essentially, in my head
Was highly dependent on having "emotional" experiences/exchanges with God, as a litmus for my overall spiritual well being
Always felt that my Relationship With God was paramount; always working on it, always feeling like it needed to progress with more passion, devotion, commitment, etc.
But what exactly was my Relationship With God? What was the "stuff" of my relationship? It was all these "spiritual" intangibles, exchanges between God and I, unmeasurable, vague spiritual goals, "hearing" from God, talking to Him, "growing" in God
Didn't realize this until a couple months ago when I tried to write my "testimony" and realized there were almost no "real" events in my whole life's "faith story-" just a lot of "pursuing God" in my own little world inside my head- "discovering" things about God/growing in God/coming to know Him better- but only 2 or 3 real events. in my whole life.
I was living a Second Life- in this invented spiritual realm- with invented, imagined goals/challenges/growth, a life story that didn't really exist in the real world- like I had a spiritual avatar or something... "Jane the Christian" with her own story arc of goals, growth, challenges, roles, callings, ministry