The Christian Label

For the last couple weeks, I've been reconsidering whether to call myself a "Christian" or not. At the moment, I feel that I'd like to stop using the label indefinitely- but not because I don't "believe in Jesus" anymore, or have decided firmly against the Christian doctrine. I more have an issue with using a label to define my spiritual state. And "Christian" is a very problematic label, I think, because of its huge range of understood meanings.
What does the label "Christian" really mean? If we're in conversation, and I tell you I'm a Christian, then there are immediately quite a few different meanings now in play: there's what you think "Christian" means; what "Christian" means to me; then there's what I actually am; and of course, what God thinks of what I am. And these meanings might be drastically different from each other, so I wonder how usefully, really, is it to call myself a Christian.
In the past, it was always emphasized that we should declare ourselves "Christian" when asked- and to do it firmly and proudly. If I were to somehow deny this label, that was equated with denying Christ Himself- a serious sin indeed. But I wonder if God is so stuck on us using this label. Are "Christian" and Christ synonymous? I think of a few examples in the gospels where Jesus shakes down people's confidence in their labels: when he says that there will be some people who do miracles "in my name" who will be denied entrance into heaven- and Jesus will say he "never knew" them. And also Jesus danced around the label people tried to put on him: Son of God. He almost never gave a straight answer, usually returning the question to the asker, ie "Well, who do you think that I am?"

I like that approach. I'd rather have people draw their own conclusions; look at the "stuff" of my life and decide for themselves what they think I am. If they think I'm a "Christian" (according to their own definition), then fine, that's what they think I am. If not, that's fine, too. Because really, what does it matter whether people attach me to a certain label?
In other spheres of life, I think it matters more what people think you are- the labels they attach to you. But when it comes to my spiritual state, I think it only really matters what I really am- underneath all the labels- and what God thinks of me.

It might seem at this point in the post that I'm completely ambivalent to the label "Christian"- but this is not quite true. I think I've actually become somewhat resistant toward it. At this moment in my life, the label Christian stands for a lot of things that I don't want any part of. For me, Christian means being "different" from others- "separate"- "better than"- with a special "calling" that sets me above others- having "the answers." I really detest this kind of thinking now- and don't want to see myself as above others. I want to look in the mirror and see a human being- just a human being.

Labels vs. Substance

I think it's important in this process of questioning to rigorously separate the label of a thing from its substance.
For example- to separate the label "Christian" or "Christianity" from what I was doing, and what I was being.
It is only clear that I was being Something, living out a certain set of rituals/practices/beliefs- but was that (living and being) really being a Christian?
By separating label from substance, I give myself a new freedom to question with abandon, without fear. ie. perhaps I'm not leaving Christianity- I'm just dismantling that particular framework of beliefs I've practiced for most of my life. Perhaps that wasn't "real" Christianity at all- if such a thing exists.
Can now freely ask: What do I think of what I practiced now that I'm looking at it without the sanctifying label of "Christianity?" Does it look good?
Or ie. questioning the god of my belief system vs. a "real" God, who may or may not be similar to the idea I had in my head.
Separating label from substance allows for subjectivity- "God" and "Christianity" might be Absolute in nature, but our knowledge of them will always be subjective and limited at best.

The label "Christian"

What if I could go through life without claiming this label?
To recognize that there always is some disparity between the label and the substance of a person...
For example- we say "mother" to any woman who has given birth to a child. But how different those women could be...

The same for the label "Christian"- does it really have any meaning, given the almost limitless variety/quality of person that claims it?
What does "Christian" mean?
Even if we give it the most positive meaning- let's say a "Christian" is someone who is "right with God"... do I have to claim that label for myself?

I wish I could just return that label to people with a question, "Who do you say that i am?"
ie. look at the stuff of my life, and tell me what you see.